make your own cake

linger on

linger on

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you have to love yourself the way you want to be loved.

You can’t expect people to read your mind and know what you need.

You can’t expect people to do anything, really. Expectations often lead to disappointment.

You have to make your own cake.

Only you know the ingredients required to make you feel loved and okay–whether it’s lots of rest and downtime, time spent in nature, nourishing food, a tangible reward, a spa day, etc.

You have to treat yo self.

And if you receive love from others, well, that’s just the icing on the cake!

In the wise words of Jeff Winger from Community:

None of us have to go to anyone, and the idea we do is a mental illness we contracted from breath mint commercials and Sandra Bullock. We can’t keep going to each other until we learn to go to ourselves. Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else’s job and just stop hating ourselves.

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Advice from a Dear Friend

I’ve discovered there’s a beauty in my spirit only released when I write. Even if I’m the only one to glimpse that glory, it’s something worth releasing. You have that same beauty. Set aside the doubt’s and embrace the truth – you are a writer and writers write — my friend Miss Eves

photo courtesy of google image search

photo courtesy of google image search

Your Precious Heart

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her" -- Maya Angelou

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life — Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Lovely,

Your heart is so precious, so soft and so valuable. Protect it from harm. Keep it safe. Matters of the heart are not for the weak, so keep it strong by remembering it is priceless.

This doesn’t necessarily mean going into hiding, making yourself scarce and cold and unavailable. If that’s not your true nature, then you don’t have to assume an unapproachable demeanor to prevent a sick and broken heart.

It just means realizing that you are precious and beautiful beyond measure, and that your heart is full of bright and lovely things. It means your heart is not a freebie, a giveaway, a sold-to-the-highest-bidder (or any bidder–how often is our criteria for getting involved with someone simply that they like and accept us?) You’re infinitely stronger and better than that. Tell yourself this every morning as you wake up and every night as you go to sleep.

Blessed am I among women.

Eat Proverbs for breakfast. Wear your armour. Speak blessing and gratitude.

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life" -- Mumford & Sons

Make no apologies for who you are, for desiring true love and pure romance. Don’t downplay it or hide it or bite your tongue for fear of scaring someone away. The right person will treasure and value these things and will be drawn to them.

Make no apologies for your femininity, for the desires of your heart, for reveling in your softness and sensitivity and genuine tears, for your gold and your shine. These things are precious and should only be treated like the finest of diamonds.

If you get this, if you really get this and truly know who you are, then perhaps you wouldn’t treat your heart like a chipped and stained ceramic mug donated to goodwill to be purchased by those with dirty hands and greedy lips. Perhaps then you wouldn’t ask, “Do you think I’m pretty?” to anyone who walks by and base your worth on their answers or silence. And maybe then clumsy kisses with frogs just wouldn’t seem fit for a queen. And maybe then you’d derail the train (or jump!) before the wreck.

You are gold and diamonds and pearls. Your heart is a handcrafted, lovingly designed and masterfully painted china teacup, a precious gem set behind glass at Tiffany’s and only you have the key.

“How much?” he asks.

“Priceless,” you answer with a wink.

And someday, perhaps you’ll find someone suitable enough to be entrusted with the key. Listen to your heart. It will tell you.

In the meantime, you’re a queen. It’s time to start treating yourself as such.

"Only do what your heart tells you" -- Princess Diana

The Dating Game

SCORE!

In the weird and wonderful, oftentimes cruel, dog-eat-dog world of dating, sports metaphors abound. Playing the field; scoring; getting to first, second, and third base; getting back into the game, etc., etc., etc.

Dating is a contact sport , and if you’re not careful and you don’t protect yourself, you’ll end up getting hurt. I don’t want to get into personal details here, but I would like to carry the sports metaphor further to compare a broken heart to being injured, and the long-term benefits of sitting on the bench and watching from the sidelines before dusting yourself off and getting back in the game.

You see, too many people jump right back onto the field and start playing the game at full force after their heart’s been broken or a relationship has failed without taking a time-out to pay attention to the “injuries” that resulted from romantic contact with another person. No one’s going to tell you to get back into the game when you’re bleeding and broken.

Instead, it’s advisable to take a breather. Sit it out for a little bit. Nurse your injuries. Wait until you’re 100% recovered before jumping back in. The advantage of sitting on the bench is that from there, you have an excellent view of the field and can study and observe the way the game is played. You can think back on what exactly happened to get you injured and how you can prevent that kind of injury the next time.

 

we can't erase someone's memory, unfortunately, so we rest; relax; recover; rally!

 

Depending on the person, and depending on the injury, some recovery times will be longer than others. Don’t sweat it. If you force yourself back on the field–or if others force you back on the field–without wrapping your sprains and bandaging your scratches, you’ll be weaker, more vulnerable to offensive play, and contact with another will only bruise you further and possibly leave life-long scars or a bitter limp.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sitting on the bench for awhile. You’re not a freak, you’re not a hopeless cause, and it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed and unable to play, or tackled to the ground at every turn, or if no one’s passing you the ball and you feel stranded in the defensive position, then don’t feel bad about walking off the field and taking a seat.

Everyone will have their advice and strategies and stories about how they played way back then, but you can take these with a grain of salt. Take a knee. Have some orange slices. Get to know some of the others sitting on the bleachers. Give yourself the time to fully heal and recover.

… As for me, I’ll be on the sidelines, practising yoga.

Life Wisdom from Virginia

Thanks, Virginia.  I’ll write this on a sticky-note and stick it to my heart:

“By hook or by crook, I hope that you will possess yourselves of money enough to travel and to idle, to contemplate the future or the past of the world, to dream over books and loiter at street corners and let the line of thought dip deep into the stream.

I find myself saying briefly and prosaically that it is much more important to be oneself than anything else.  Do not dream of influencing other people, I would say, if I knew how to make it sound exalted.

Think of things in themselves.”

from “A Room of One’s Own” by Virginia Woolf