Oh, the Missed Connections on Craigslist. I love reading these. I’d be interested in finding out if people have actually ever hooked up as a result of reading a Missed Connection. “Wait a minute … I was wearing a long pea coat and orange scarf on the GO Train headed to Oakville from Union Station last Thursday night, reading a copy of Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar! And I totally made flirty eye contact with a guy in a plaid jacket who was reading Wired magazine! Who knew that he was falling in love with me?”
And then, budda-boom budda-bing, dates, love, marriage, and a litter of puppies.
Anyway, my sister drew my attention to this one in particular, which is less a Missed Connection and more a reaction to an unpleasant experience at an art store on Spadina. It’s just too rich not to share in its entirety (PS: there’s some swearing, but I wanted to repost it here without any alterations):
To the prissy bitch who said I was from Cobourg – w4m – 22 (Art Supply Store, Spadina)
So yesterday I was just perusing the stores on Spadina in Toronto when I walked into your little art supply store. After a bit of browsing I decided to buy a new pen.
Then suddenly, your exaggerated effeminate squeak startled me from behind a row of paintbrushes: “Wow! You came all the way from Cobourg to buy a pen!” *snicker*”. I can only assume that you were referring to my rustic attire that day. Yes, I was wearing an old coat and a scarf and hat that I knitted myself, but need I remind you that it’s FREEZING out? And this economy??
I do get the impression however, that you don’t mind hypothermia as long as you get to wow the world with your form-fitting Prada pea coat in chartreuse! Usually I would have let you have it right there in the store, but for one thing, lucky for you I didn’t want the boy I was with to witness the wrath I am capable of, and also your polite meanness made it difficult for me to determine whether you were a bitch or just really stupid. I have determined now that you are both.
Yes, my coat is several years old and No, I do not plan on getting a new one. I’m a student you see, paying tuition and rent does not leave much freedom to be stylish. But I suppose it’s hard for you to remember what it was like being young, seeing as you are now a bitter, mean old man.
I will admit- the fit of your black shirt and jeans made you look positively prim, and I’m sure you’re saving the world one cute outfit at a time! But I beg you to respect the fact that many of us are doing the same in different, more effective ways; like you know, for example, not being a mass-consumerist whore!
What is this? The 16th century? Turning your nose up at peasants? Fuck you! Just because you have no goals in life other than to work at a little art store and use words like “pomo” and “appropriation of modernist perspective” and wear lots of black to make yourself feel like an artist, doesn’t mean you have to take it out on those of us who still have real goals.
By the way, I am NOT from Coburgh, I was born and raised in Toronto. Although I’ve never been there, I’m sure Cobourg is a lovely place and the people there would be very offended at the way in which you associated their great people with my crusty old jacket.
I hope you and your highlighted hair, slip in your alligator, pointed toe boots on a pile of your own bullshit and tear a rhinestone off your leather pants!
Go eat a fist.
A hearty Amen from the silent, nearly invisible masses of students/recent-grads/propagators of infinite debt, who cannot afford to keep up with the revolving doors of fashion as displayed by those with steady jobs and family money!